Yes Portugal, Severus!
by Sheriff of Nottingham
Summary: Dumbledore forces Snape to go on holiday
1. You ARE going

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... yada yada yada... I make no money... blah, blah, blah.**

**Author's Note: Because if I DID make money I'd throw any shite on the screen every day of my life!!! By the way, this isn't a HG/SS fic really... at least I don't think it will be.**

**I've put my other story _Blackmail On Snape _on hold for a while. Don't worry to those who are actually reading it because I haven't stopped it all together. If you send me reviews on it I will hurry up. P. S. I need ideas for _Blackmail On Snape_! I can't believe I got 47 reviews for 'A Washing Room Drama". You guys rock!**

**Yes, Portugal, Severus!**

**Chapter 1: You're Going!**

"Come now, Severus. I'm sure you can spare four or five weeks from your work. It will, after all, be the summer holidays!" Dumbledore stated.

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Ple-"

"Bloody hell, Albus. I fucking said NO!!!" Snape roared.

"No need to be rude about it. I was just asking," Dumbledore said unfazed by Snape's outburst.

"No need to be rude? No need to..." Snape growled in annoyance. He was fuming.

"Come on. I don't want to go up there all alone!"

"Then get Granger to go with you!"

"I can't. That's one professor you can't get hold of," Dumbledore stated.

Snape just kept walking towards his dungeons. "Look, Albus. I don't mean to be rude but - BUGGER OFF!!!"

"Look. I have a wager for you-"

"Wages?" Snape looked a bit happier... well more willing to listen anyway.

"No. A wager."

Snape frowned even more, if that's possible, and started walking again.

"I'll increase your wages if you participate."

Snape thought for a bit "By how much?"

"Five percent!"

"Eight and we have a deal!"

"Done. Get your oven gloves ready!" Dumbeldore stated.

"Oven gloves?" Snape enquired.

"Yes. We're going to have a bake-off," he said, he twinkling blue eyes practically dancing.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "A what?" he laughed sarcastically.

"A bake-off. You know... We both bake something and see who's is better!"

"If I do, will you leave me alone?"

"Yes!"

"And give me my eighty percent rise?"

"Nice try. I said eight and that's all you're getting!"

"It was worth a try! Fine, what are the terms of this wager?"

"I you win I leave you alone about Portugal. If I win you have to go to Portugal for the summer! Minerva will judge."

"And I get my rise either way?"

"Yes, you will still get your rise when you lose!"

Snape glared at him for the choice of words but agreed on the terms.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

So both Snape and Dumbledore were baking their cakes later that day. What Snape didn't know was that his conniving Headmaster was cheating. Every time Snape had his back turned Albus (I'm just going to call him Albus because it's shorter then 'Dumbledore') would pour salt into the Potion Master's mixture.

And what Albus DID know was that Snape wasn't cheating at all. And so came the time for McGonagall to test their cakes.

"So, Minerva. What do you think?" Albus asked.

"Albus... mmm... your cake is delicious. You'll need a great cake to beat this one, Severus. Then again, yours are always a treat."

"Why thank you, Minerva."

She raised a piece to her mouth. The two men looked at her expectantly.

"Well?" Snape asked.

"It's very..."

"What?"

"Salty," she answered.

"What?" Snape went over to taste his cake. As soon as it was in his mouth, he spat it back out. "I don't understand... I only used a pinch of salt."

Neither Snape or McGonagall could see the smile on Albus's face.

**Okay. I know where this is going and I have already started typing chapter two. Yay me. It HAS a plot. Hermione will be in the next chapter.**

**Please review with the button that looks like this - Go**


	2. I'm going with HER?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... yada yada yada... I make no money... blah, blah, blah.**

**Author's Note: Because if I DID make money I'd throw any shite on the screen every day of my life! By the way, this isn't a HG/SS fic... at least I don't think it will be.**

P.S. Sorry about the mix up folks. i don't know how this got replaced with chapter one. i can't believe it! i had chapter one twice. thanks to Remus'Fiace frlettng me know about this problem

**Yes, Portugal, Severus!**

**Chapter 2: I'm going with HER!**

"I'm glade you decided to go after all," Albus said.

"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to go," Hermione Granger answered.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"You're not going?" they said in unison. Snape and Hermione's relationship had NOT improved since she was a student. Being a professor just meant that she didn't have to put up with his snide comments in silence.

"I'm afraid I can't. Something came up," Albus answered.

"Why do I have to go with HER?" Snape sneered.

"It's not like I want to go with you either," Hermione shot back.

Snape narrowed his eyes and glared at her.

"Yes, yes. You're going together. Now shake hands and make up."

They just stared at each other.

"I said SHAKE HANDS!"

They both shot him dirty looks and reluctantly shook hands.

Hermione shivered. She had a secret crush on Snape, too bad about the personality. No one knew about it and she intended too keep it that way. She figured if she really got to know him and got him to trust her then he could get over his pride and have feelings for her; that's why he didn't have a partner - everyone thought he was just mean. But not her. She knew it was just a mask... or barrier if you will. That he couldn't act like he fancied anyone because he didn't want to be hurt. She couldn't help being turned off by his disinterest in anything living sometimes. It was childish to think she knew him but Hermione didn't see it that way.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

As the weeks went by, they became friendlier.

As the months went by they became friends.

By the end of the school year they had a tight mutual friendship.

Snape had learned to respect Hermione. He even like her too, but he was damned if he would admit it.

(Won't bother with a long speech because it'll just end up like that anyway)

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

All the students had now gone home for the summer. Hermione was on her way to the dungeons when she crash into something hard. It sent her flying backwards. When she sat up she realised that she had bashed into Snape and knocked him over.

"Sorry," he said and got up.

"It was my fault," she said as she took his outstretched hand and pulled herself up. He pulled her at the same time and she crashed into his hard chest.

She froze.

He moved back.

"Sorry," he repeated.

"No problem. So, are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"Shopping - duh!"

"What?"

"You have to buy muggle cloths. Didn't you think that it would be a bit suspicious if you walked around a muggle area in the sweltering heat while wearing your heavy robes!"

"Of course I did," he snapped.

"Lets go then."

"Now?"

"No, a week on Tuesday. Of course now, silly."

He glared at her last word and she smiled sweetly back at him.

**Okay, that was short but I have started typing chapter three. It always looks like more when you have it hand written. Oh well. Next chapter they go shopping.**

**Please review. All you have to do is press the Go button ant type your review. **

**Any review is welcome no matter how long or short.**


	3. London Muggle style

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... yada yada yada... I make no money... blah, blah, blah.**

**Author's Note: Because if I DID make money I'd throw any shite on the screen every day of my life! By the way, this isn't a HG/SS fic really... at least I don't think it will be.**

**Yes, Portugal, Severus!**

**Chapter 3: London; Muggle style**

Hermione dragged him all around muggle London for what seemed like hours.

Snape spent the whole time standing in the corners of shop praying that he would die soon so he could get off his aking feet.

'I'm so bored,' he thought. He followed Hermione into another shop and just stood there with his arms folded over his chest (he had decided hours ago that nothing short of an apocalypse would speed up the process of her choosing clothes, so he always waited by the door).

"Well?" she tapped her foot impatiently.

"Well what?" He was confused.

"This is the MEN'S department. Start looking," she ordered. "I'll be in another shop so I'll come and get you later. Bye."

"But, but-"

"Don't worry. I'll be back later." She waved and left him standing alone in a weird muggle shop.

"This is bad," he muttered to himself.

**ZZZZ**

Snape wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. He stood in front of a mirror and fiddled about with a long thing around his neck. Personally he thought this thing known as a 'tie' looked quite queer but those model dolls had them and he supposed it was part of the suit. Then again he considered this whole shop to be queer.

"Can I help you with your tie, Sir?" a shop assistant asked.

'No! You can feck off and leave me alone,' he thought. But since he was in dire need of help, he settled with "Please."

The woman was actually very helpful. "This isn't really your colour. How about this black one instead," she asked. Snape smiled. 'She's not so bad,' he thought.

"I'm Becky by the way," she thought but was thinking 'He-is-HOT.'

"Severus." He put out his hand and she shook it.

"Pleased to meet you, Severus. If you could sit on this chair I can show you how to tie a tie." She indicated to a chair by the mirror. Snape hadn't noticed the chair before.

"Thanks." He sat down.

"It's been years since I've had to show a man how to tie a tie," Becky laughed.

"I... eh... don't have much use for them."

"Ah. That explains it." Becky stood behind Snape as he sat down. She lifted his collar up and put her arms around him to tie it, whispering instructions in his ear as she did it up. "Now you try," she said suductivly and stood up.

When he put the tie into a knot and nearly strangled himself, he gave up. "Will you show me again?" he asked.

She smiled and nodded. When she put her arms around him for the second time, all thoughts of Hermione were gone from his mind. Snape was infatuated with this woman already. Becky smelled nice. It wasn't and overly sweet smell that attacked your nostrils. It was pleasant but he couldn't place it.

When Snape had mastered the tie he chose two more with Becky's advisory. As he paid for the ties and suits Snape and Becky got chatting. They'd been talking for a while when Snape happened to mention that he was going away.

"You're going to Portugal?" Becky exclaimed.

"Yes. We're leaving in two days."

"Oh wow. How long will you be staying in Portugal?" she asked.

"Not sure. It's my... eh... friends holiday home. We could be there for ages. Why?"

"Well I'm going to Portugal in a week. I was... I was wondering if... that is ... if you want..."

Snape got impatient. "You were wondering if we could meet up?"

"Well, yes," Becky said a bit embarrassed.

"Really? You want to see me again?"

"Only if you want to."

"Sure. That would be great," Snape smiled.

Becky scribbled down a number on a sheet of paper. "Here's my mobile number." She handed him the sheet.

"Your what?"

"It's my mobile phone number. I would give you my house number but I wont be at home much during the week."

Snape pretended to understand what she was talking about. He figured a 'mobile' was like a portkey or something or like floo powder. Then he remembered she was a muggle. 'Shit. A hot woman wants to meet up with me and she's a muggle. That's just great, how am I supposed to hide all forms of magic on her in a place owned by Albus Dumbledore?'

He was pulled out of his thoughts when Becky spoke again. "Sorry. What did you say?" he asked.

"I asked if I could have your mobile number?"

"Oh... eh. I don't have one actually."

Becky sighed. "If you didn't want to meet up you could have just said. You don't have to make an excuse."

"I do want to meet up... it's just that I really don't have a mobile number."

"Seriously? I thought everyone carried a mobile in their pocket."

'Pocket. That's the ticket' Snape thought. "Well I did. But I lost it. Must have fallen out on the train."

"Oh. Okay. Give me a ring Wednesday week. I'll be settled in the hotel by then. That is unless you change your mind."

"I seriously doubt I will change my mind. I rarely do."

She laughed and they talked about other things.

"Have you seen Emmerdale lately?"

"No. I haven't seen it lately," Becky said. Snape had moved the conversation into safer ground. Becky had started talking about movies he never seen before. True, he had a TV. The owner of the Hogshead can be blamed for that. She had a magically powered television set on one day and Snape had been hooked ever since. He only sew films when they were on the television.

"What's happened with Den and Dennis?" Becky asked.

So they talked about that and a number of other things when Hermione walked in.

Hermione was greeted by the sight of Snape's well toned ass in trousers that fitted snugly around him. He was leaning over a counter, bending so the slacks stuck more closely to him. She stood there staring at him (his ass that is) with a smile.

'Wait... he's leaning over the counter. She is SO flirting with him' Hermione thought angrily. She walked quickly up to them. "Ready?" she asked him, cutting the woman off.

"Oh, Hermione. Yes I'm ready."

"See you later, Severus," Becky smiled.

"Bye, Becky," he waved.

'Severus?' Hermione thought. 'He never tells strangers his name. I can't believe he could fall for a hussy like that.' Then Hermione realised that her whole theory of why Snape was mean was completely wrong. He just didn't like her then. 'But he'll go all googly eyed over some tramp he'll never see again.'

"Hey, what's the rush? You didn't go this fast when we were in the ladies department." He didn't like being dragged like that. It was so undignified.

"Oh sorry. I'm... eh... hungry. Are you? I know this great Indian place."

"I'm not really hungry."

"Well we should just get back to Hogwarts then," Hermione said.

"Yes. I have to finish packing since we're all leaving tomorrow for the holidays."

"Yeah. Let's just go."

**Next chapter they away to Portugal.**

**What do you think? Please review**


	4. And We Away!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing... yada yada yada... I make no money... blah, blah, blah.**

**Author's Note: Okay, so I've been bombarded by e-mails telling me to update and Rickmaniac keeps jabbing me with pencils so here's the update. Enjoy!**

**ZZZZ**

**Yes, Portugal, Severus!**

**Chapter 4: And We Away!**

**ZZZZ**

Hermione arrived back at Hogwarts in a foul mood, which continued all the way to dinner - the next day.

"Something the matter, Hermione?" Albus asked sweetly.

"No," Hermione snapped, stabbing her steak.

"If you say so my dear." His eyes continued to twinkle as he turned to talk to Minerva on the other side of him.

Just then Severus walked in with a satisfied smirk that, in Snape-terms, could be considered a smile.

He nodded at Albus and Minerva and was about to do the same to Hermione before he saw the thunderous look on her face. He raised an eyebrow at Minerva, who he decided to sit next to for his own health.

"Your looking quite happy with yourself this evening, Severus. Your shopping trip went well I presume?" Minerva enquired.

"Something like that, yes," Severus replied. "What's wrong with her," he inclined his head to Hermione.

"Haven't the foggiest," she whispered.

He just shrugged and started to eat.

Hermione shot daggers at Minerva, who was talking to Severus.

Dumbledore noticed. "My dear," he whispered to her. "My poor misguided mind has come to the conclusion that you have fallen quite hard for our resident Potion's Master."

"What? Why that's… As you said, it was you misguided mind that came to THAT conclusion."

"Yet you continue to shoot daggers at Minerva as she speaks with him."

"I…" she looked guiltily at the Headmaster. "I thought I could repress the feelings. But when a seen that sales assistant flirting with him, I was so jealous."

"Hermione, one cannot help what the heart chooses to make us feel. Your holiday will give you two time to get close. you can express your feelings to him and go from there."

"What if he rejects me?"

"What if he doesn't? even if he does not wish to pursue a relationship, you can still be friends, eh?"

Hermione smiled. "I suppose you're right."

"Oh course I am. Not could you be a doll and pass those delicious looking jam tarts please?"

Hermione chuckled and passed the plate to him.

**ZZZZ**

As dinner ended, Hermione followed Severus out of the hall.

"Severus!" she called.

He turned and raised an eyebrow in question.

"I just wanted to apologise for my behaviour at dinner. Obviously I was not very friendly enough to talk to. I was in a foul mood."

"And you're not now?" he enquired.

"No. Albus had quite a way with words."

"Indeed. Apology accepted. I really must hurry. I left the Wolfsbane boiling. Any longer and Lupin won't have a potion this month."

"Of course. I'm really looking forward to going on holiday with you tomorrow."

"I am too." Severus smiled to himself, a holiday wasn't the only ting he was looking forward to.

"And I'll take great delight in seeing you in your swimming trunks," Hermione grinned.

"Not bloody likely."

"Why's that?"

"I don't swim unless it's a life or death situation. I don't wear swim gear. I don't even have swim wear," he counted off the reasons on his fingers.

"I'm sure Albus will lend you some of his."

Severus shuddered. "Erugh. Don't even joke about things like that!"

**ZZZZ**

The next morning Hermione was franticly trying to pack all her extra things in suitcases. As soon as she decided she was packed, she had only half an hour to go before they had to leave, and her hair just would not co-operate. Not that it ever did, but now it was really annoying her. How was she meant to seduce Severus with a wind bush on her head. The best she could manage was tying it back in a bushy ponytail.

'It will have to do,' she thought before rushing to the Hogwarts entrance door where she had arranged to meet Severus.

"Sorry I'm late," she puffed.

"No need. Come on," Severus lead the was to an awaiting carriage.

"Can't we just portkey there?"

"We need to get outside the wards to use a portkey."

"Of course how silly of me. Where are we getting the portkey."

"Madame Rosemerta has it."

"Okay then." Hermione settled herself into the carriage. Soon they would be in Portugal and she would be able to properly seduce Severus. Speaking of Severus, he looked absolutely delightful in his muggle jeans and shirt. 'Blue really does suit him!' she thought with a smile.

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